Your eyes are about to tear up as your heart pounds in your chest. The anticipation of communicating your problems and fixing what's wrong is eating you alive. Finally, you muster up the courage to tell them about it, and they tell you, “It was just a joke.”
“It was just a joke” is something I've heard too much in my years of living. Someone poking fun at your insecurities and laughing in your face about them? They’re making a joke about something you already hate, adding salt to an open wound. There are two different ways to handle this: You can sit and suffer in silence or communicate how this made you feel. Depending on the person, these two will have the same outcome.
Sometimes, when you communicate, they’ll put up defenses to hide from the fact that they hurt you. Instead of owning up to it and saying “Sorry, I’m in the wrong,” they’ll point the blame back onto you by saying it's YOUR fault that YOU didn't get the joke. That YOU'RE too sensitive and YOU have an attitude for no apparent reason, making it seem like it's your fault for having the insecurity in the first place. Not only do they invalidate you, but now they're gonna make snarky comments about you being “sensitive” and say they can't talk around you since you'll get upset. They’ll go off and tell their friends about how you can't take jokes and how unfunny you are. How it was “never that serious.” All this because you didn't want to be made fun of anymore.
Sometimes, when you communicate, they’ll put up defenses to hide from the fact that they hurt you. Instead of owning up to it and saying “Sorry, I’m in the wrong,” they’ll point the blame back onto you by saying it's YOUR fault that YOU didn't get the joke. That YOU'RE too sensitive and YOU have an attitude for no apparent reason, making it seem like it's your fault for having the insecurity in the first place. Not only do they invalidate you, but now they're gonna make snarky comments about you being “sensitive” and say they can't talk around you since you'll get upset. They’ll go off and tell their friends about how you can't take jokes and how unfunny you are. How it was “never that serious.” All this because you didn't want to be made fun of anymore.
If you don't say anything about it, then you're a pushover. But if you do say something about it, then you're “doing too much.” If you start crying, then you're a crybaby. If you show any emotion at all, then you’re “too old to be acting like that.” It’s as if my emotions have an expiration date.
They won't stop until you tell someone, and even then, they'd just do it in secret. If you try to befriend them, you're just transferring the hate onto someone else. It becomes an endless cycle of “hurt people hurt people,” and it never stops.
They won't stop until you tell someone, and even then, they'd just do it in secret. If you try to befriend them, you're just transferring the hate onto someone else. It becomes an endless cycle of “hurt people hurt people,” and it never stops.
Even now, as a senior in high school, I still hear people make this excuse and try to justify their bullying behind their poor excuse of humor. I'd love to say that it'll go away, but sadly, it won't. I've tried to tell myself that older people don't act like children, but I know many 17-year-olds who still bully kids like they're seven. Renaming the problem doesn't make the problem any better.
The ignorance card also doesn't work. It never has and it never will. Saying, “Well how was I supposed to know?” doesn't make the problem any better. Why can't you ever just say sorry? Why is it so hard to admit that you hurt my feelings and you're in the wrong?
The ignorance card also doesn't work. It never has and it never will. Saying, “Well how was I supposed to know?” doesn't make the problem any better. Why can't you ever just say sorry? Why is it so hard to admit that you hurt my feelings and you're in the wrong?
This isn't a targeted article towards anyone in particular. Just a lot of pent-up aggression towards the quote, “It was just a joke.” I hope this has never been said to you, and if it has, hopefully you cut that person or group of people off. I truly want better for you and for us.
ALLYSE WALKER
