If you go through my phone’s iMessages and search up “no homo,” I can tell you it would pop up at least 15 times. I can't even recall the many times I’ve given advice to my male friends or they’ve said something with a drop of sentiment, and we both ended our sentences with “no homo.” This has stemmed from the judgment I faced growing up: it was believed that it’s not manly for me to enjoy the company of another man platonically or want to hang out with another guy. I even have the feeling to rewrite that sentence, because maybe there’s a “straighter” way to express it. (That’s why the word “platonically” is in bold now.)
The social concept of sexuality is convoluted. As a high schooler, I’ve seen girls sitting on each other's laps, crying in each other’s arms, going on brunch dates—the activities go on and on. Some even jokingly call themselves gay because they have the privilege of not being judged based upon it. It’s accepted by most. Women are supposed to be the enabler of intimacy and “softness,” while men are expected to be estranged from feelings of affection. The last thing a straight man on Earth wants to be labeled as is “gay.” I won’t take away from the woman's experience; however, it is known women have it easier when it comes to friendship and intimacy. Being “straight” is different for women than it is for men.
What happened? The blunt force of masculinity.
What happened? The blunt force of masculinity.
The questioning of sexuality didn’t come from religion or parents for me, but from peers. Although I like women, everyone’s first impression of me was “I thought you were gay, OMG!” They made it as though I was a walking alien, or I said something offensive on social media. I’ve questioned whether it was my cartilage piercings or my two ear lobe piercings. I want a third one, but that would make me “gay cubed,” huh?
Maybe it’s my hygiene. Yes, hygiene. I’ve been—humorously—called gay over my cleanliness, by another guy. Now being clean is labeled as gay. Could it even be the fact I’m an introvert and speak about my emotions? I know for sure that’s one. At a ripe age of ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, and so on, I’ve second guessed all of the qualities I have because they make me seem “gay.” The fact my best friend is a boy also makes me look gay. I’ve heard: “Y’all are a couple” because we simply go out and do basic friend things. Now having guy friends isn’t straight enough. For 17, damn near 18 rotations around the sun, I’ve been questioning myself on how to seem straighter. I’ve asked myself this question in so many shapes and forms. Now that run-around was an example of anxious thinking and self-judgment; sexuality just doesn't. make. sense.
Maybe it’s my hygiene. Yes, hygiene. I’ve been—humorously—called gay over my cleanliness, by another guy. Now being clean is labeled as gay. Could it even be the fact I’m an introvert and speak about my emotions? I know for sure that’s one. At a ripe age of ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, and so on, I’ve second guessed all of the qualities I have because they make me seem “gay.” The fact my best friend is a boy also makes me look gay. I’ve heard: “Y’all are a couple” because we simply go out and do basic friend things. Now having guy friends isn’t straight enough. For 17, damn near 18 rotations around the sun, I’ve been questioning myself on how to seem straighter. I’ve asked myself this question in so many shapes and forms. Now that run-around was an example of anxious thinking and self-judgment; sexuality just doesn't. make. sense.
***
The movie Close showcases the youthful brotherhood bond between two thirteen year old boys. So bewildering in today’s time, I know. These kids grew up sleeping in the same bed, play fighting, singing, and hanging out every day. They were so close you would think they were brothers. The bond was so important to one of them, while the other eventually backed off because of the “that’s gay” whispers. The peer pressure put onto the relationship was so detrimental that it caused Leo to slowly back away from his childhood friend. Remi quickly became depressed due to the loss of one of his most important relationships and committed suicide.
While one portion of viewers might see the beginning clips as fond, others were also quick to label it as a “gay romance.” This is because vulnerability between males is interpreted as gay. This is due to the social expectations of what a man should be nowadays, which has caused a culture of male friendship intolerance. Author Rhaina Cohen states, “Though homophobia has waned in the last few decades, American men still, by and large, aren’t supposed to get too cozy with other men if they want to fit in.” The use of the word “gay” has become so offending, for men it's the worst thing to be. I’ve sometimes even had the intention of being standoffish to my own friend because the word “best friend” and its connotation is not straight enough for social norms. This puts a huge wedge into my mind and the friendships of all American men.
The movie Close showcases the youthful brotherhood bond between two thirteen year old boys. So bewildering in today’s time, I know. These kids grew up sleeping in the same bed, play fighting, singing, and hanging out every day. They were so close you would think they were brothers. The bond was so important to one of them, while the other eventually backed off because of the “that’s gay” whispers. The peer pressure put onto the relationship was so detrimental that it caused Leo to slowly back away from his childhood friend. Remi quickly became depressed due to the loss of one of his most important relationships and committed suicide.
While one portion of viewers might see the beginning clips as fond, others were also quick to label it as a “gay romance.” This is because vulnerability between males is interpreted as gay. This is due to the social expectations of what a man should be nowadays, which has caused a culture of male friendship intolerance. Author Rhaina Cohen states, “Though homophobia has waned in the last few decades, American men still, by and large, aren’t supposed to get too cozy with other men if they want to fit in.” The use of the word “gay” has become so offending, for men it's the worst thing to be. I’ve sometimes even had the intention of being standoffish to my own friend because the word “best friend” and its connotation is not straight enough for social norms. This puts a huge wedge into my mind and the friendships of all American men.
As a Gen-Z straight male, these are my daily struggles. The many times a girl, who I’ve found attractive, has treated me like the “gay-bestfriend” has made me exhausted and slaughtered my ego. This has not only made me question my physical features but my mannerisms, conversation details, and other possible things that couldn’t possibly make me feel like I’m “man” enough. This has also killed my ability towards approaching girls, which has never improved because I’m still worried about being called gay. It has even increased my standoffishness to other dudes since I’m always being put into an imaginative blind date with them. That is part of the reason I don’t have many close male friends. My experience can be related to many other young teenage boy experiences, and it won’t stop being experienced anytime soon. My life is not the next episode of Love, Victor or Simon. Someone would even say it’s gay I’ve watched those series; however, they were very entertaining.
This topic has been very uncomfortable for me to write about because it’s even gay for me to question myself. To be able to label, note, and speak about these things has caused the most unwriteable emotions. But how will a stereotype be broken if one does not accept it and speak against it? It’s fine to have a boy-bestfriend, or want to give your homie a hug once in a while. Or lay back and talk about life. Everyone needs ways to express their humanity whether it’s through belief, or clothing. Yes, I have my cartilage pierced with two lobe piercings, and a peace sign tatted. I guess I’m not the top level definition of what you would call masculine. I'm not your cultural Michael B. Jordan, but I consider myself more of the Keith Powers type anyways. Just stop saying “that’s gay.”