the time i got really close to killing myself was because of you
it was because my heart felt like it was constricting
physically
i felt my whole soul shrivel within my body at the thought of you
the sight of you
the memories
whenever i was reminded of you
it felt like hell
not knowing if you loved me or hated me
missed me or not
dwelling over mistakes
wanting to fix them but could not
i said i didn’t want to talk about it
not to be secretive
i wasn’t being withdrawn
but the intricacies of every time i had spent agonizing over you would’ve made you feel bad
i didn’t want you to feel that
so i bottled it at my expense
like i always did and like i always do
because i always hurt myself for you
it was because my heart felt like it was constricting
physically
i felt my whole soul shrivel within my body at the thought of you
the sight of you
the memories
whenever i was reminded of you
it felt like hell
not knowing if you loved me or hated me
missed me or not
dwelling over mistakes
wanting to fix them but could not
i said i didn’t want to talk about it
not to be secretive
i wasn’t being withdrawn
but the intricacies of every time i had spent agonizing over you would’ve made you feel bad
i didn’t want you to feel that
so i bottled it at my expense
like i always did and like i always do
because i always hurt myself for you
