Touch I once leaned into
now burns against my skin.
not out of hurt,
but forced apathy.
Apathy leaves me in a state of confusion
of who I am and if I enjoy being so
Apathy that urges defiant tears to fall onto pillows in the dark
that didn’t feel so disgusting before as it does now
Apathy
that has become all I know.
my heart weighs me heavily onto wet grass
tired eyes trying to comprehend what lays behind them
another flash of fear
another “what if” of hope
another kick from reality
I ask myself questions I already have answers to
But what is a spirit of discernment
to someone that still allows deception for the insinuation of love
“Love” that will knowingly fall flat
Why is it me?
that loses love as soon as they are familiar with it.
Why is it me?
That notices every subtle dip of boredom from you.
Why is it me?
Who hurts so heavily just to breeze through the next day?
I’ve never felt so ashamed
ashamed of the emotions my path has placed on me
ashamed of the ease I felt around you
Ashamed to say I’ll miss you.
I manifest for others without thinking
And somehow mine always falls through
the wish to be valued wholeheartedly
so simple yet impossible.
now burns against my skin.
not out of hurt,
but forced apathy.
Apathy leaves me in a state of confusion
of who I am and if I enjoy being so
Apathy that urges defiant tears to fall onto pillows in the dark
that didn’t feel so disgusting before as it does now
Apathy
that has become all I know.
my heart weighs me heavily onto wet grass
tired eyes trying to comprehend what lays behind them
another flash of fear
another “what if” of hope
another kick from reality
I ask myself questions I already have answers to
But what is a spirit of discernment
to someone that still allows deception for the insinuation of love
“Love” that will knowingly fall flat
Why is it me?
that loses love as soon as they are familiar with it.
Why is it me?
That notices every subtle dip of boredom from you.
Why is it me?
Who hurts so heavily just to breeze through the next day?
I’ve never felt so ashamed
ashamed of the emotions my path has placed on me
ashamed of the ease I felt around you
Ashamed to say I’ll miss you.
I manifest for others without thinking
And somehow mine always falls through
the wish to be valued wholeheartedly
so simple yet impossible.
