Romantic relationships between men and women grow ever more dystopian by the day. With toxic male-targeted podcasts criticizing women and the magnifying lens that the media casts on women’s every move, I can’t help but question how exactly women are expected to behave. On one hand, a woman is expected to be virginal, pure, and the perfect “good girl”. On the other hand, toxic heterosexual men will also complain when women are not able to meet their sexual desires. These types of men then proceed to use a woman’s lack of sexual experience as an excuse to cheat on them with more experienced women, which contradicts their claims that they desire a virginal woman. This phenomenon can be tied back to what is known as the Madonna-Whore Complex. Even so, both of these categories (the virgin and the whore) ensure that women are at the mercy of men, which hinders feminism greatly. Are women not multi-faceted beings capable of more than what these two categories entail? Granted, I am aware that not all men are the same, and many are completely capable of recognizing women as human beings. With that said, this fact does not erase the undeniable: an even larger portion of the male population struggles with that simple concept.
First and foremost, it is important to understand what the Madonna-Whore Complex is. First coined by Sigmund Freud, the Madonna-Whore Complex can be defined as the inability of a heterosexual man to find a woman they love sexually desirable, only having such feelings for “promiscuous” women whom they claim to despise. Madonna represents the category of a pure and sanctimonious woman, while the “whore” is a promiscuous, overly-seductive woman who acts as an alluring siren. Now, given Sigmund Freud's reputation, it may be difficult to believe that this psychological theory has any merit. He has made a multitude of questionable theories regarding humanity and sexuality, though this one in particular may not be so far-fetched, as proven by the faults in our society.
So, what does Madonna represent? Yes, we’ve established the fact that she’s the epitome of a morally righteous woman, but what does that have to do with men? The Madonna is also known as the Virgin Mary, who, to many Christians, is the most virtuous woman of all. In Christianity, many interpretations of the bible perpetuate the belief that women are expected to be nurturing, emotional, and non-sexual beings who care for the child and the husband. Essentially, this ideal suppresses the idea of women having any aspirations outside of being a homemaker.
For centuries, a woman’s virginity has been used to determine her worth. When women were sold off by their fathers to men, for example, she was expected to be untouched. If she were not a virgin, regardless of whether it was due to self-autonomy or sexual assault, she was considered damaged goods. So naturally, women who are “innocent” and untouched by other men are superior, right? Maybe not. Perhaps we should consider the implications regarding a woman being tainted by a man’s touch. Wouldn’t that fact insinuate that men are so venomous that they essentially destroy a woman from touch alone?
On the other side of the spectrum, lies the whore. The title of this category alone indicates the degradation of this “genre” of women. This term is much broader than the last, as it is often misused and thrown around carelessly. Any form of experimentation or autonomy can equate to you being easy or trampy. If men view these kinds of women in such a derogatory manner, why are these the kinds of women that men often seek out behind closed doors? Of course, taking a closer look, it seems that there may be a much darker correlation at play. Women having control of their sexuality seems to be confusing and almost disturbing to men–so, is it less disturbing to them when women have little to no say at all? Sexual harassment and assault rates seem to skyrocket whenever feminist movements are at their peak, which leads me to conclude that men commit heinous acts to feel in control when their power is threatened. Not to mention the fact that it is much easier to victim-blame when they feel the woman deserved it because of how they chose to express themselves. Phrases like “ What was she wearing?” and “She had it coming” denounce the perpetrator’s involvement and shove blame onto the women, once again giving men power by allowing them to control the narrative.
The root of this issue seems to stem from men’s refusal to accept the fact that women are autonomous beings as opposed to objects. For what seems like forever, anything a woman does seems to be backed by a negative connotation. It appears to be almost incomprehensible. In today’s society, women feel a lot more comfortable to dress and behave the way they want to. While this is a huge improvement from feminism decades ago, take the stakes of being a female celebrity, for example. Sydney Sweeney, who stars in the popular drama Euphoria, has become a very popular figure as of late, but for all the wrong reasons. She has received disgusting amounts of threats and hate due to the oversexualization she faced in both the show and in her career as a whole. Her value as an actress has plummeted significantly, giving her no choice but to feed into the oversexualization and take roles that perpetuate it. This proves to be the case for many women in the film and music industry–they are exploited by their employers and the media, and their career becomes based on it.
And this isn’t an issue that only affects adults. “How many bodies do you have?” or “What’s your body count?” are questions surrounding the newest form of slut-shaming among my generation. Teenage boys run around bragging about how many people they’ve been intimate with and receive unwarranted praise and pats on their backs–but the same girl they were with is deemed “easy,” and her reputation is suddenly ruined. Upholding a woman’s virginity but ignoring a man’s creates a harmful, misogynistic double standard. Double standards are no new phenomenon–in fact, the feminist movement tackles the issue of double standards directly.
Furthermore (and this may be slightly beside the point), the whole stigma around virginity is an outdated social construct that needs to burn and die. Of course, your first time being intimate with someone should be considered a special moment–but all forms of physical intimacy should be special, too.
But let’s make sure we remain on track– why are men the ones who decide which women are worthy and which aren’t? It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that women have been pitted against each other to appeal to societal expectations. Let’s take pick-me girl culture as another example. There is a specific subgenre of pick-me’s that devalue other women for not being as reserved as they are. Since men have created this social hierarchy that places purity above hypersexuality (solely among women), the pure archetype of women has been conditioned to degrade the other woman for her promiscuity. I would be a liar if I said I hadn’t shamed other women and teenagers for being too “easy” myself. Even so, that confession only solidifies the fact that I am not criticizing this from a place of judgment, at least not towards those who may have fallen victim to it. I understand very well how easy it is to become an unwilling participant in what is known as the bandwagon effect, which is continuing the cycle just because everyone else is doing so. Admittedly, this was tactfully done. This (unfortunately) genius system convinces one oppressed group that they hold more power than the other, when in reality, they are both being preyed on by the same people. By ensuring that women remain divided in such a stark and obvious way, they are a lot less likely to unite to dismantle the harmful patriarchal system that has perpetuated maltreatment for years.
So, what does Madonna represent? Yes, we’ve established the fact that she’s the epitome of a morally righteous woman, but what does that have to do with men? The Madonna is also known as the Virgin Mary, who, to many Christians, is the most virtuous woman of all. In Christianity, many interpretations of the bible perpetuate the belief that women are expected to be nurturing, emotional, and non-sexual beings who care for the child and the husband. Essentially, this ideal suppresses the idea of women having any aspirations outside of being a homemaker.
For centuries, a woman’s virginity has been used to determine her worth. When women were sold off by their fathers to men, for example, she was expected to be untouched. If she were not a virgin, regardless of whether it was due to self-autonomy or sexual assault, she was considered damaged goods. So naturally, women who are “innocent” and untouched by other men are superior, right? Maybe not. Perhaps we should consider the implications regarding a woman being tainted by a man’s touch. Wouldn’t that fact insinuate that men are so venomous that they essentially destroy a woman from touch alone?
On the other side of the spectrum, lies the whore. The title of this category alone indicates the degradation of this “genre” of women. This term is much broader than the last, as it is often misused and thrown around carelessly. Any form of experimentation or autonomy can equate to you being easy or trampy. If men view these kinds of women in such a derogatory manner, why are these the kinds of women that men often seek out behind closed doors? Of course, taking a closer look, it seems that there may be a much darker correlation at play. Women having control of their sexuality seems to be confusing and almost disturbing to men–so, is it less disturbing to them when women have little to no say at all? Sexual harassment and assault rates seem to skyrocket whenever feminist movements are at their peak, which leads me to conclude that men commit heinous acts to feel in control when their power is threatened. Not to mention the fact that it is much easier to victim-blame when they feel the woman deserved it because of how they chose to express themselves. Phrases like “ What was she wearing?” and “She had it coming” denounce the perpetrator’s involvement and shove blame onto the women, once again giving men power by allowing them to control the narrative.
The root of this issue seems to stem from men’s refusal to accept the fact that women are autonomous beings as opposed to objects. For what seems like forever, anything a woman does seems to be backed by a negative connotation. It appears to be almost incomprehensible. In today’s society, women feel a lot more comfortable to dress and behave the way they want to. While this is a huge improvement from feminism decades ago, take the stakes of being a female celebrity, for example. Sydney Sweeney, who stars in the popular drama Euphoria, has become a very popular figure as of late, but for all the wrong reasons. She has received disgusting amounts of threats and hate due to the oversexualization she faced in both the show and in her career as a whole. Her value as an actress has plummeted significantly, giving her no choice but to feed into the oversexualization and take roles that perpetuate it. This proves to be the case for many women in the film and music industry–they are exploited by their employers and the media, and their career becomes based on it.
And this isn’t an issue that only affects adults. “How many bodies do you have?” or “What’s your body count?” are questions surrounding the newest form of slut-shaming among my generation. Teenage boys run around bragging about how many people they’ve been intimate with and receive unwarranted praise and pats on their backs–but the same girl they were with is deemed “easy,” and her reputation is suddenly ruined. Upholding a woman’s virginity but ignoring a man’s creates a harmful, misogynistic double standard. Double standards are no new phenomenon–in fact, the feminist movement tackles the issue of double standards directly.
Furthermore (and this may be slightly beside the point), the whole stigma around virginity is an outdated social construct that needs to burn and die. Of course, your first time being intimate with someone should be considered a special moment–but all forms of physical intimacy should be special, too.
But let’s make sure we remain on track– why are men the ones who decide which women are worthy and which aren’t? It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that women have been pitted against each other to appeal to societal expectations. Let’s take pick-me girl culture as another example. There is a specific subgenre of pick-me’s that devalue other women for not being as reserved as they are. Since men have created this social hierarchy that places purity above hypersexuality (solely among women), the pure archetype of women has been conditioned to degrade the other woman for her promiscuity. I would be a liar if I said I hadn’t shamed other women and teenagers for being too “easy” myself. Even so, that confession only solidifies the fact that I am not criticizing this from a place of judgment, at least not towards those who may have fallen victim to it. I understand very well how easy it is to become an unwilling participant in what is known as the bandwagon effect, which is continuing the cycle just because everyone else is doing so. Admittedly, this was tactfully done. This (unfortunately) genius system convinces one oppressed group that they hold more power than the other, when in reality, they are both being preyed on by the same people. By ensuring that women remain divided in such a stark and obvious way, they are a lot less likely to unite to dismantle the harmful patriarchal system that has perpetuated maltreatment for years.
All things considered, it is important to remember that the Madonna-Whore Complex is still just a theory on sexuality and behavioral patterns. There is the possibility that Freud was incorrect,so maybe do not take this too seriously. Nevertheless, you should allow the array of questions I’ve asked throughout this essay to make you think a bit. Think about how you may view or treat women based on how you categorize them. Think about how you treat women based on how you have been categorized. Society’s outdated expectations and labels that have boxed women into a corner for so long have worked well past their due date, and bringing awareness to issues like this is the first step to truly liberating women.
