The Painful Wonders of Space(Relationships) I wonder… what the two sides of a broken promise look like to someone. I wonder how much space does giving someone else creates. Does it end long-lasting bonds? In the blink of an eye, so quick, the relationship fails like a heart, then keels over and dies? I wonder if there are always two sides to a coin, the ups and downs. And is there someone who did something wrong? I wonder, what were you thinking in your head? What thoughts flashed through your mind as you spoke those harsh words to me? I wonder, can the tears of a broken boy really change the mind of a for sure one’s mind. So strong-minded that it caused them to be certain that they weren’t what they wanted. I wonder if the unspoken silence, every interaction and every hurt feeling and stare that could have been and never was, could cause some kind of thought. I wonder, does the voice of those around you influence your actions so much so to tear off your wings, and break off my shackles that once kept me down? I tell myself all the time, I wonder what could have been, I wonder what I should have done, all I do is wonder, and wonder, and wonder. I wonder how my day would have been different, different if I could great your pink rosey cheeks back with a grand smile across my face. I wonder if, when I’m feeling down and unsure about life, you would do the same, make sure I’m ok, and reach out for me, through a cage of wires, so sharp that it’ll cut past any barrier blocking me from you. I wonder why I think to myself what could have been, why I cry thinking about the great moments we used to feel, the rush of emotion I got when I mustered up the courage to say yes to you. I wonder why it’s still there, the thought of missing you and wanting you to still be by my side every day. Following me endlessly like a lost puppy, waiting for me to sit or go. Eager to say hi, eager to be near me, eager to know how I am. I wonder what made me meet you, out of all the billions of people on this Godforsaken world, why did I cross paths with you, just for it to end out of nowhere? But I also wondered, while you still had your wings. Attached to them were chains. Chains that kept me down to the ground, while you flew high above me, wearing that golden halo. A halo so bright it made me think you were an Angel as it illuminated your pale white skin, drawing me in like a fly to a zapper. When I got too close to the shiny bright light, it struck my heart and sent my body flying. But not flying high, soaring through the clouds like you were. I went flying, my body jolting through the air, stripping me of my movement. But I really didn’t care, care about the chains. The ones that kept this lover boy pinned down, I know that halo on your head was a shiny sign leading to an iron-barred cage. But in that cage I sat, holding back all of my tears and silent rage. Rage for being lied to, rage for painting my face white, slapping on big red lips, and calling me a clown. The rage for knowing how she felt about me, because of the truth you were too scared to tell, throwing me under a bus, that you were driving. I wonder why I still yearn for your presence, even after it lifted me up so high; it only lifted me above the pit of fire that you lit, for my love was too much, and you were too unavailable to receive it. Yet still… I wonder why I didn’t care. And why I still don’t care, why even after all the energy I had to put into loving you, why I still want to, why I’m willing to listen, forgive, and forget. I wonder why it’s so hard for me to let go, but I wonder how I can let go? If the cliff is blocked by 4 walls, teachers, and classrooms. I wonder how I could keep loving, even after being unloved. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me for missing the failed attempt that wouldn't have made it that far. I wonder why I couldn’t be stronger than the wicked problems you face, the superhero guy in every popular tv show or movie. The one who swoops in, picks you off your feet, and takes away all the pain. Yet, I wonder why, even after all this happened. Why do I still wonder? For the space in between us is little, yet it’s infinitely pushing me away. Away so far, I can’t even look at you, or even say hey…
