sometimes i think “i miss you” as loud as i can, hoping that some way you’ll hear at least a fraction of the echo from the way it resounds. other times i’m too ashamed to admit to myself how much i like you, so i think it in a whisper. in a way that makes me feel better. like i’m guarding something sacred. or like i’m letting you in on a secret, even though i know you’ll never hear it until i say it. it’s just weird to miss someone who isn’t mine, someone who potentially could never be. sometimes i think “i miss you” and i smile. sometimes i have to think it more selfishly because of the comfort it provides. other times i really do intend for you to hear it. in some weird way. maybe if i think it enough, the universe will have invisible pigeons carry you the brainwaves. but i’m hoping i don’t stir the tide. i truly do want you to get all the mental letters i write. read them like fiction and remember them like facts. i often wonder how loud i’d have to think for you to hear the hidden “i miss you”s and the unspoken want. or at least a sound. maybe one day i won’t just think the words, but i’ll finally say them aloud. i think that’d become too real. maybe a tad too honest. or possibly a bit too forward. but i won’t stop thinking “i miss you” as loud as can because one day you might hear the echos.
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