I hate myself. I hate myself for every bad thing I've done and every bad thing I'll do because they’re reflections of parts of me I'll never want to confront. It's a reflection of parts of me I push down to feel whole. But I'll always feel the absence of those parts even when they’re hidden because they’re never really gone. The parts of me that do f*cked up sh*t to people accidentally are just as evil as the parts that accidentally say words I’d never mean or think thoughts I shouldn’t think. I hate that I have to live with those evils. I hate that I don't have enough self control to get rid of them permanently. I hate myself for the purposefully evil things I do and the malicious thoughts I have because those parts are always battling with my heart. I would never inflict pain on anyone. But wouldn’t I? It happens everyday. Even though Ii don’t mean for it to. I feel responsible for carrying the burden of the hurt that the people around me feel because I should be able to fix it. And I can't. I can only make it worse. And I hate myself for it.
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