The discovery of me being aromantic was actually a simple finding.
I was talking to my friend about all the crushes we had in life, then I came to the realization that my crushes were never really… real. All the legit romantic relationships I had never really appealed to me at the beginning (sorry to anyone I ever had a relationship with). So I did what any person would: I questioned even further if I ever liked anyone romantically. Through my high school years, I never had that experience of having a crush on someone and what comes with it. It wasn’t an empty feeling or anything; I felt the same. It was just an experience I never had.
So I went even further down the rabbit hole of my identity to figure out what was going on with me. Yet the more I went on a self discovery journey, the more I realized the thought of a romantic relationship didn’t appeal to me. I did think something was off with me, but I just went along with it. I thought if romantic relationships didn’t appeal to me, that’s okay. That’s me. That was until I found a label spelling it out for me.
I was talking to my friend about all the crushes we had in life, then I came to the realization that my crushes were never really… real. All the legit romantic relationships I had never really appealed to me at the beginning (sorry to anyone I ever had a relationship with). So I did what any person would: I questioned even further if I ever liked anyone romantically. Through my high school years, I never had that experience of having a crush on someone and what comes with it. It wasn’t an empty feeling or anything; I felt the same. It was just an experience I never had.
So I went even further down the rabbit hole of my identity to figure out what was going on with me. Yet the more I went on a self discovery journey, the more I realized the thought of a romantic relationship didn’t appeal to me. I did think something was off with me, but I just went along with it. I thought if romantic relationships didn’t appeal to me, that’s okay. That’s me. That was until I found a label spelling it out for me.
Aromantic.
Yeah, that term sounded like it fit me. So I went around, searching for that term again. I looked everywhere, keeping in mind that what I see will not always be my experience. Articles, definitions, everything.
After a while, I closed the computer and reflected on myself. I didn’t have crushes on people; I would confuse crushes with people I just generally liked. I never gave my all for relationships; I would lose interest every time. I never got the appeal of romantic relationships in the first place; I would never get into it. So then, I got comfortable with my label. I’m aromantic. I’m proud to say that I am aromantic.
Yeah, that term sounded like it fit me. So I went around, searching for that term again. I looked everywhere, keeping in mind that what I see will not always be my experience. Articles, definitions, everything.
After a while, I closed the computer and reflected on myself. I didn’t have crushes on people; I would confuse crushes with people I just generally liked. I never gave my all for relationships; I would lose interest every time. I never got the appeal of romantic relationships in the first place; I would never get into it. So then, I got comfortable with my label. I’m aromantic. I’m proud to say that I am aromantic.
Nowadays, I’m chilling as an aromantic. I didn’t come out to many people about it, only some or when it was brought up in conversation. Being aromantic isn’t sad for me. I found it comfortable to be a label for now. I lived all my life like this anyway, so nothing changed but finding the meaning. Being aromantic doesn’t mean that I’m emotionless like some stereotypes say. I still have feelings and love to give to my family, friends, and anyone else. I just don’t have romantic feelings. And that feels fine. Sometimes it’s a little upsetting that I won’t get the experience of having a romantic connection, but I can’t force it. I learned that forcing it will never do any good. So I learned to accept it. And I accept myself.
Of course, this is my own experience. Not every aromantic person will feel the same and that’s valid. I’m still valid in my own way. I’ve learned to accept it and love it as part of my identity.
Who knows? Maybe down the line I’ll discover that I’m not anymore. But in the meantime, I’m comfortable with who I am and who I don’t love romantically.
Who knows? Maybe down the line I’ll discover that I’m not anymore. But in the meantime, I’m comfortable with who I am and who I don’t love romantically.
Ariadne Rosas
