Hiiii!! It's Laniyya Lashay!
Becoming me vs. what everybody wants me to be.
I went most of my life worrying about what everybody else wanted from me. Scared to be viewed in a negative light, I shaped myself into a “likable” person only to realize people don’t have to like me in order for me to be me. Therefore, I couldn't really find myself. Luckily, I have now, so I would like to share my journey with you.
Becoming me vs. what everybody wants me to be.
I went most of my life worrying about what everybody else wanted from me. Scared to be viewed in a negative light, I shaped myself into a “likable” person only to realize people don’t have to like me in order for me to be me. Therefore, I couldn't really find myself. Luckily, I have now, so I would like to share my journey with you.
Being able to find myself beautiful
Most of my articles consist of breaking down societal beauty standards. While writing these articles, I started to break away from beauty standards forced upon black women on my own. I started with my body, then moved to my hair and now my personality.
A friend once told me “You only have one body, so love it.” While writing amazing content for you guys, I went on my own body positivity journey as well. This consisted of wearing what I wanted, taking more pictures, and not talking negatively about my body because other people didn’t think it was beautiful. While telling you guys to “Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself,” I was also just beginning to “love myself.” It's important to look in the mirror and say, “Girl you're beautiful, and I love you.” As my girl Ari Lennox would say, “Self love is the best love.” There are fewer days that I wake up feeling as if I'm not pretty enough or not smart enough, which feels amazing.
Towards the beginning of my senior year, I learned to embrace my hair in all its beauty. My mini twist became a staple look for me while I learned to not only manage my hair but find it beautiful. The world has so many opinions and rules for black women's hair that it becomes hard to appreciate what grows out of your head. On my journey, I had some negative remarks and off putting reactions, but I managed to embrace, love, and respect my hair. Steering away from society's harsh opinions of what a black woman should be helped me realize just how amazing I am. My hair is done no matter what state it's in. My hair is enough and perfect in all its glory.
A friend once told me “You only have one body, so love it.” While writing amazing content for you guys, I went on my own body positivity journey as well. This consisted of wearing what I wanted, taking more pictures, and not talking negatively about my body because other people didn’t think it was beautiful. While telling you guys to “Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself,” I was also just beginning to “love myself.” It's important to look in the mirror and say, “Girl you're beautiful, and I love you.” As my girl Ari Lennox would say, “Self love is the best love.” There are fewer days that I wake up feeling as if I'm not pretty enough or not smart enough, which feels amazing.
Towards the beginning of my senior year, I learned to embrace my hair in all its beauty. My mini twist became a staple look for me while I learned to not only manage my hair but find it beautiful. The world has so many opinions and rules for black women's hair that it becomes hard to appreciate what grows out of your head. On my journey, I had some negative remarks and off putting reactions, but I managed to embrace, love, and respect my hair. Steering away from society's harsh opinions of what a black woman should be helped me realize just how amazing I am. My hair is done no matter what state it's in. My hair is enough and perfect in all its glory.
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Joining spaces that I can be unapologetically me
I surrounded myself with people who were like me. This was mainly finding more plus size friends and maintaining the friendships I already had. I found friends I could share experiences with and create lifelong bonds with. I learned to be friends with people that I actually like lol. This made it easier for me to open up and be myself. I have so many wonderful friends that give me the opportunity to be myself.
Another part of my self exploration journey (as some may call it) was joining spaces that were not only comfortable for me, but accepting of me. I actually never thought I would be a writer. These past few years mainly consisted of surprising myself with things I didn't know I could or even wanted to do. I started on The BALM as a media reviewer, then wrote my first op-ed on Fatphobia. As I stated earlier, my articles served as an outlet for me. I got to write about things that were important to me while also acknowledging the struggles of other women like me. On The BALM, I've learned that it's okay to be unapologetically me. My peers on The BALM and I not only created safe spaces for all different personalities but maintained these safe spaces as well. Shout out to the BALM squad for letting me be who I am, write what I want, and figure out who I want to be. I love you guys <3.
Another part of my self exploration journey (as some may call it) was joining spaces that were not only comfortable for me, but accepting of me. I actually never thought I would be a writer. These past few years mainly consisted of surprising myself with things I didn't know I could or even wanted to do. I started on The BALM as a media reviewer, then wrote my first op-ed on Fatphobia. As I stated earlier, my articles served as an outlet for me. I got to write about things that were important to me while also acknowledging the struggles of other women like me. On The BALM, I've learned that it's okay to be unapologetically me. My peers on The BALM and I not only created safe spaces for all different personalities but maintained these safe spaces as well. Shout out to the BALM squad for letting me be who I am, write what I want, and figure out who I want to be. I love you guys <3.
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Most importantly, I came to terms with living in my truth, realizing that what I want might be different from what everyone else does. No matter what goes on around me, I stop and realize that as long as I'm honest with myself about my expectations and what I actually want, everything will be fine. I started doing things that I (emphasis on the I) liked. Even if these things were as simple as listening to music, writing and watching TV, they were things I (again emphasis on the I) like to do. It's crucial to spend time with yourself in order to figure out who you are. Everything does not have to be a group activity. It gets annoying tbh.
Once I found what I liked to do, it was easy to point out what I don't like to do. Which made it easier to say no. I never gave “go with the flow” because if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. It took me a while to figure out exactly what setting strict boundaries were, but once I figured it out, my life went a little more smoothly. Boundaries helped create healthy relationships with the people around me and with myself.
Once I found what I liked to do, it was easy to point out what I don't like to do. Which made it easier to say no. I never gave “go with the flow” because if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. It took me a while to figure out exactly what setting strict boundaries were, but once I figured it out, my life went a little more smoothly. Boundaries helped create healthy relationships with the people around me and with myself.
BUILDING A STRONGER BOND WITH MY LOVED ONES
(Shout out to my Dad, Sister, Brother, & Mother)
My Dad and my Sister became my best friends. The bond I've built with them are ones I will appreciate forever. It's always good vibes and laughs when I'm with them, even when life gets hard. You guys are rockstar role models. Thank you for always encouraging me to do whatever I wanted even if y'all thought I was being crazy. Thank you for all the times I was down and you guys managed to make me laugh. Thank you for all the time and dedication you spent helping me and making sure I was well off. I wouldn't be who I am today without you guys' support and encouragement. I am forever grateful.
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So who am i?
My name is Laniyya Lashay Strange. I am a Black writer, tubist, daughter, sister, and friend. I am a black plus size woman who is dedicated to creating spaces and opportunities for people like me. I am an advocate, peacemaker, Kendrick Lamar fan, and I am beautiful. I'm a future teacher who has the boldest personality, but most importantly, I am me.
With that being said, this is my farewell article. Thank you guys so much for your support. I thank you for reading the articles I've written and for all the positive comments I've received on them. It was a pleasure sharing my writing with y’all. I hope y’all enjoyed this experience as much as I did.
Best,
Laniyya Lashay
Best,
Laniyya Lashay
LANIYYA sTRANGE
