Optimism is a good experience until it trickles to delusions. I'm sure many of my peers have gotten accustomed to that. It's not something they can be judged for, though. A lot of us do nothing but come to school, go to a club, and then trudge to work. Teenage girls need a little excitement in their lives. It's not uncommon for many of my classmates to develop a “crush” based on a conversation, but sometimes I fear the consequences. Yet I've never seen an issue arise from any of them being themselves. Maybe I'm worried for nothing.
In the eyes of many, I'm quite “bitter”. But it makes me smile when I get to see how easily my friends bond with people they like. If anything, I'm the one putting people together. I'm always the biggest supporter, and that'll never change. I just find it sad that I'm approaching my final year of high school and I've never had that kind of bond. It's never that serious, but if that's the truth, then why is it so sad to think about? Will I look back on my high school years and find that something was lacking? Or will I be more concerned about the amount of times I cried over things that were never possible? Liking someone is one feeling. Reciprocation is another.
In all honesty, I've never been too crazy about romance. The idea of liking someone that much seems a little too embarrassing once I step back a bit. But I'm not a liar. A relationship has never been one of my main goals, but the thought often resides in the back of my mind. I'm often told that my “standards are too high” or I'll “eventually find someone when I'm older”. Even though I can tell it's said with positive intent, my intuition seems to have been more reliable lately. It's not happening anytime soon, and perhaps it's not supposed to. I'm quite proud of the boundaries I've set up. Yeah, it's nice to think of someone occasionally until another mental artwork is smudged before the paint dries.
Sometimes you get too wrapped up in the idea of someone. You have an image in your head painted so perfectly that it often leads to nothing but teary eyes once it's destroyed. You'll follow all their steps, think about all their hobbies, and be there for them when you're not even wanted. You'll do it in hopes that situations change, and so will you. But if I were you, I’d never expect anything from it. You could be the “perfect” person, but that doesn't mean your presence is always a gift in their eyes.
I think I've hated being misunderstood for so long that I've been hung up on finding someone that wouldn’t be an issue with. I talk to my friends every day. Half the time, they can't tell the difference between me being happy or upset. There hasn't been a day on earth I don't speak to my mother…but somehow, I still catch myself explaining my words every two minutes. I always meet someone new that I think this won't happen with, and it never fails. I can’t say it's not hurtful, but I've chalked it up to a skill issue by now. Maybe things will fall into place, maybe not. I'll leave that for future me to deal with. I hope you guys enjoyed the rambling. Let's all act like this couldn't have been put into a journal. Thanks for tuning in to the TED talk of an anti-romantic.
In the eyes of many, I'm quite “bitter”. But it makes me smile when I get to see how easily my friends bond with people they like. If anything, I'm the one putting people together. I'm always the biggest supporter, and that'll never change. I just find it sad that I'm approaching my final year of high school and I've never had that kind of bond. It's never that serious, but if that's the truth, then why is it so sad to think about? Will I look back on my high school years and find that something was lacking? Or will I be more concerned about the amount of times I cried over things that were never possible? Liking someone is one feeling. Reciprocation is another.
In all honesty, I've never been too crazy about romance. The idea of liking someone that much seems a little too embarrassing once I step back a bit. But I'm not a liar. A relationship has never been one of my main goals, but the thought often resides in the back of my mind. I'm often told that my “standards are too high” or I'll “eventually find someone when I'm older”. Even though I can tell it's said with positive intent, my intuition seems to have been more reliable lately. It's not happening anytime soon, and perhaps it's not supposed to. I'm quite proud of the boundaries I've set up. Yeah, it's nice to think of someone occasionally until another mental artwork is smudged before the paint dries.
Sometimes you get too wrapped up in the idea of someone. You have an image in your head painted so perfectly that it often leads to nothing but teary eyes once it's destroyed. You'll follow all their steps, think about all their hobbies, and be there for them when you're not even wanted. You'll do it in hopes that situations change, and so will you. But if I were you, I’d never expect anything from it. You could be the “perfect” person, but that doesn't mean your presence is always a gift in their eyes.
I think I've hated being misunderstood for so long that I've been hung up on finding someone that wouldn’t be an issue with. I talk to my friends every day. Half the time, they can't tell the difference between me being happy or upset. There hasn't been a day on earth I don't speak to my mother…but somehow, I still catch myself explaining my words every two minutes. I always meet someone new that I think this won't happen with, and it never fails. I can’t say it's not hurtful, but I've chalked it up to a skill issue by now. Maybe things will fall into place, maybe not. I'll leave that for future me to deal with. I hope you guys enjoyed the rambling. Let's all act like this couldn't have been put into a journal. Thanks for tuning in to the TED talk of an anti-romantic.
ALEXANDREA SUGGS
