If you remember (which you should if you read it), in February I wrote “5 Things That Make Me Happy as a Black Person.” I’ve decided to make a part two for our May/June issue because June is Pride Month. As if it wasn’t apparent, I’m gay and trans. So yeah. We’re doing it again. (For clarification, I’m not fully gay; I have a girlfriend.)
Seeing Other Trans/Gay People
I cannot stress enough the importance of being seen. Not only does it make you not feel alone; it can definitely make you feel more safe. In environments where you feel there’s a target on your back, finding someone who’s just like you can make you feel safer or heard. At least that’s what it does for me. It’s almost like “OMG, there goes another queer person out in the wild. What are you doing here?” I don’t know. That’s just me, though.
I cannot stress enough the importance of being seen. Not only does it make you not feel alone; it can definitely make you feel more safe. In environments where you feel there’s a target on your back, finding someone who’s just like you can make you feel safer or heard. At least that’s what it does for me. It’s almost like “OMG, there goes another queer person out in the wild. What are you doing here?” I don’t know. That’s just me, though.
Passing
The pure and utter joy I get from passing is literally insane. For people who don’t know, passing is being perceived as the gender you align with. So when people see me as a boy with no questions asked and no coming out required, it makes me feel really happy. When old ladies see me in stores and they don’t know whether I’m a boy or girl so they just go with sir, that has to be a top 5 feeling of passing. Peers, too. Before I came out to some of my friends, they said they already thought I was a boy. Also, when strangers in general use “sir” and other masculine terms to describe me, it just affirms that in my words, I “look boy.”
The pure and utter joy I get from passing is literally insane. For people who don’t know, passing is being perceived as the gender you align with. So when people see me as a boy with no questions asked and no coming out required, it makes me feel really happy. When old ladies see me in stores and they don’t know whether I’m a boy or girl so they just go with sir, that has to be a top 5 feeling of passing. Peers, too. Before I came out to some of my friends, they said they already thought I was a boy. Also, when strangers in general use “sir” and other masculine terms to describe me, it just affirms that in my words, I “look boy.”
People Respecting My Identity
The amount of times I’ve heard I’m "straight with extra steps" is actually annoying. Because if you had half a brain cell and used it to think just a little bit harder, you can make a clear distinction between sexuality and gender. You wouldn't say that to a cis boy, so why are you saying it to me? So when I come out and I don’t have to deal with ignorance, it’s refreshing. When people act like their brain works and have general human decency, it makes me happy.
The amount of times I’ve heard I’m "straight with extra steps" is actually annoying. Because if you had half a brain cell and used it to think just a little bit harder, you can make a clear distinction between sexuality and gender. You wouldn't say that to a cis boy, so why are you saying it to me? So when I come out and I don’t have to deal with ignorance, it’s refreshing. When people act like their brain works and have general human decency, it makes me happy.
Being Able to Be Expressive in Spaces
There isn’t really much to say about this one; I just like being able to express myself. To be in places where I can make the homophobic and transphobic jokes aimed at myself and get laughter because people relate and not uncomfortability because they don’t. Or being able to make gay jokes and be open about having boy celebrity crushes. I love being able to openly say Frank Ocean is my man. It brings me happiness.
There isn’t really much to say about this one; I just like being able to express myself. To be in places where I can make the homophobic and transphobic jokes aimed at myself and get laughter because people relate and not uncomfortability because they don’t. Or being able to make gay jokes and be open about having boy celebrity crushes. I love being able to openly say Frank Ocean is my man. It brings me happiness.
Coming Out (as trans) and People Not Asking Me 300,000 Questions
This really only applies to family members, but every time I come out, there’s questions about if I’m sure, how do I know, why, questions that borderline invalidate my identity and people trying to inform me on stuff I’ve researched and calculated as if I just randomly became trans. Which is why I’m hesitant to come out to them: I don’t feel like being bombarded with stupid, repetitive questions because you’ve never seen a trans person in real life or you’re underestimating my overall knowledge about the surgeries and downplaying the research and questioning I’ve done. It’s almost like they haven’t watched me grow up and seen/heard all of the trans-coded things I used to do/say. I appreciate when people just take me coming out and move on rather than interrogating me because if there's one thing I hate the most, it’s stupid and repetitive questions.
This really only applies to family members, but every time I come out, there’s questions about if I’m sure, how do I know, why, questions that borderline invalidate my identity and people trying to inform me on stuff I’ve researched and calculated as if I just randomly became trans. Which is why I’m hesitant to come out to them: I don’t feel like being bombarded with stupid, repetitive questions because you’ve never seen a trans person in real life or you’re underestimating my overall knowledge about the surgeries and downplaying the research and questioning I’ve done. It’s almost like they haven’t watched me grow up and seen/heard all of the trans-coded things I used to do/say. I appreciate when people just take me coming out and move on rather than interrogating me because if there's one thing I hate the most, it’s stupid and repetitive questions.
Trey sherrod
